Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there.  It’s been almost 13 years since my mom passed away.  I still miss her terrribly. 

NO special meals out today.  Dh had to send his mom and ku mah to Sg.  Ku mah has her check up at Glen Eagles on Monday.  Dh is staying in Sg ujtil Wed.  He has a couple of business meetings next week.  I made a special dinner Sat night for our 13th anniversary and early mom’s day dinner.  The kids gave me cards they made.  Jsutin made a heart from paper and wrote “I love you” all over it.  Amelia made a heart pencil holder from schl.  Alyssa wrote me a nice message. 

A Beloved Mother

When you’re a child she walks before you,

To set an example.

When you’re a teenager, she walks behind you,

To be there when you need her.

Wheny ou’re an adult she walks beside you,

So that as two friends, you can enjoy life together.

My mother, my friend so dear,

throughout my life you’re always near.

A tender smile to guide my way,

You’re the sunshine to light my day.

Mommy, you’re number 1!

Dh is back from China

He was in Chingdu most of the time and loved it there. He said this place was diff fro all the places he went to in China.  It’s so scenic and the people were so nice and friendly. HIs European guests did not make it b/c of the volcanic ash fallout.  They were supposed to leave Switzerland that very day it erupted in Iceland.  Anyway, he couldn’t cancel the trip.  He went ahead with his business partners.  They enjoyed themselves.  Bought back lots of tea and he did find a beautiful Er hu for Amelia.  It was from a Master Er hu maker and he fine- tuned it and everything.  Amelia’s so happy.  He’s going baack next week for the Shanghai World Expo.  He might find an better flute for Alyssa. 

  Finally set up the new computer today.  Actually got this a month ago.  I love it.  It’s a Dell INSPIRON with a Samsung 24 inch  monitor.  Need to buy a HDMI cable and new speakers to make it perfect.  And dh and I  actually set it up together.  He was  quite patient and actually needed my help.  Hah, just last night he was scolding me for asking abt something.   He’s so moody.  His night and day moods are very difficult to live with.  I try not to let it bother me anymore.  It’s something he has to control.  I know it has a lot  to do with him being a perfectionist(he’s far from it).  He expects everyone around him to do everything correct and perfect.  And the kids and I are not.  I feel on edge all the time.  I already told him.  It’s hard to live on eggshells and feel like I can’t make mistakes.  The kids also said they feel more relaxed when he’s not home.   He said he knows, he’s working on it. He’s off the stupid pill that he was taking for anti-smoking. IT helped but not agreeable for some people.  It affects their moods and makes some suicidal even.  Thank go he stopped taking it.  He’s stopped smoking for a year and 5 months.  He took the pills less than half that time.  It was mostly will-power.  He still has cravings he says.  But he knows it’s for his health and he doesn’t want to be addicted to something so stupid as ciggarettes.     Tmrw, he’s taking my car in to claim the ins. for the smashed windshield.  I postponed Aly’s registration until this Fri.  He also wants to go along and take a look at the school.  I’m happy abt that.  I don’t want to take care of everything myself.

Preparing for another exam

Kids are busy reviewing again for next week’s exams.  Next week, there are 2-Chinese writing essays and Malay essays. the following will be the rest of the exams.The girls will do fine.  It’s the boy that I’m worried abt.  I made him practice writing his sentences 2 hrs this morning b/f schl and 1 more hour tonight.  In the last exam he got an A for science and B for everything else except his Chinese writing.  That score pulled down the average.  the girls are moving up slowly.  And today I received good news.  There is a very good chance that Alyssa can get into Wesley Methodist for secondary schl.  I will go register her this Sat.  One less thing I have to worry abt.  Wondering where she was going to secondary schl was giving me sleepless nights.  Dh and I had a list and that school was on top of our list.  We already registered at an international schl and another private schl.  Those were our backups.  She has to sit for an assessment test in July.  The test is on Malay, Math and English.  She should do alright.  They also look at her extra-curricular activities for admittance-no prob there.  And the very convenient hting for me is- they have transport for kids from our residence.  I’m very happy abt that.  I was having trouble figuring out how I was going to carpool next year with kids in diff schools.

Catching up

Wow, I actually have a little time to type a post this morning.  So many things have happened. 

I finally joined a gym in Feb, but have not worked out much.  There were a few breaks-Chinese New Year, our Sri Lanka trip, kids’ schl holiday trip to Phuket and Khao Lak.  Now, am back on track.  That’s the new exciting thing in my life.  I work out with a personal trainer 3xweek.  I signed up for 10 sessions cos it’s pretty expensive.  I felt I needed help especially with the machines.      I have one more training left wiht my trainer and dh surprised me by adding 10 more sessions for me yesterday.  I told him that I was not comfortable with the machines yet. I also think he added more bc we  had a fight and I was feeling miserable abt everything.   Starting this month, I want to add 2 group exercises to my routine.  Will see what I can fit in.  The very first week I joined the gym, I tried an intermediate step class.  OMG, I can keep up, but the steps were complicated.  Most of those ladies were in their 50′s and early 60′s.  I felt so out of it.  My experience with steps were way out of date.  Mine were fr Kathy Smith and Kathy Ireland from the 80′s the the Wii Fit. I wl join the beginners and see how I progress.

We were in Malacca for Chinese New Year.  Dh and I stayed in a hotel bc everybody came back this year, so not enough room for all of us.  The kids slept with ah mah.  There’s 3 beds in there.  The bedrooms at the ancestral house are very big.  It was nice to have all the cousins around for kids.  We had good homecooked food for the Eve and went out on CNY day.  The kids looked cute in their CNY clothes and received many ang pows.  We had the same visitors that come every year.  We stayed for 4 days and on the fourth day, Dh and I had a very big fight.  It started in Malacca bf we came back home.  This was the fight of all of our marriage fights.  I was sitting in the dining rom with my sis-in-laws and mil.  I really should have just moved to another room when they started discussing the kids school and activities.   I like my 2 sis-in laws alot and get along with them 95% of the time when we are together.    I just get very uncomfortable when they talk abt the kids activities.  They come off sounding like everything their kids do are so good and so superior. I don’t feel inferior to them, I just don’t like their advice and criticism of what my kids do.  My kids are so busy at school that I feel 2 extra activies are enough. Oh, I should check this and that out.  I should make sure of this and that.  They barely have enough spare time as it is and I’m not going to sign them up for everything under the sun.  I get it that they only have one kid each and want that kid to participate in everything.  The expectations on the poor kids.  I hate  it that they like to compare my 3 kids with theirs.  I think there is  a vast difference btw kids of diff ages and kids who are raised in My, Sg and England schl systems.     Dh just had to join our conversation.  Everything they said, he agreed with them.  I felt like crying.  I didn’t agree with some of their opinions and voiced my thoughts.  They just kind of  dismissed me and boasted abt their kids.  Dh said, ” see, you should blah, blah, blah…”  What started off as a pleasant CNY became a session of comparisons of cousins.  I didn’t like that at all.  I guess I showed my resentment and said as much.  Dh blasted me for that.  Why did I get so defensive and have to start arguments.  It got ugly.  I felt so humiliated when he shouted at me and called me names.   I felt so bad.  I started crying and he called me more names and made it sound like I ruined CNY.  Conflicts or fights during the first few days of CNY are  no no.  It means that the rest of the year will not turn out good.

    I got more of his blastings when we got home.  This guy doesn’t back down.  Why did I have to shame him by arguing back and be so defensive?  Why did I have to be so low class and show my temper and  jealousy?  He nit picked on everything I said.   Look, see, now the whole year is ruined.   I told him I felt I had to defend my kids when they are made to feel inferior and they are not.  I am not jealous at all. In fact I feel sorry for them.  I don’t boast abt my kids’  little achievements every chance I get.  Their 12 year old cousin is alright.  I like her alot.  The expectations her parents put on her are just too much.  I love the 4 year old cousin.  He’s very cute, but very naughty.  Every naughty things he did, everybody just thought it was cute and laughed it off.  Every little thing Justin did, they nit picked.  I think it was very unfair.  Dh’s auntie just dotes on the 4 year old and 12 year old.  The kids feel it too.  I told them, don’t worry.  Your aunties in the US think you guys are great and love you no matter what.  Dh was just so pissed.  It was not a good homecoming.  We fought in front of the kids and they were crying.  We promised them not to argue in front of them bf and they witnessed it again and this time it was abt them.  Dh said many ugly things, well mostly him putting me down.  I ran outside and he came after me and said, “ok, if you want to leave, go and don’t ever come back.  I was so tempted.  It was raining, I had no shoes on… God, I was tempted.  The kids were crying inside.   I had nowhere to go.  It was dinner time, I came back and grabbed my keys and went out for some take out to bring back for dinner.  Came back with food and it was eaten in silence.  I went upstairs and skipped dinner.  I didn’t speak a word to dh that night and tried to sleep downstairs.  I didn’t sleep a wink and cried the whole night. I wrote a note to give him, but mostly abt my feelings.  I can never get my point across to him unless I write it down. He never gives me a chance when we fight.   Whenever we fight, I cry buckets.  He got up very early the next morning and said, “oh, you’re still here.”  I said, “ok, kids, let go to PJ(his dad’s hse).”  He said the kids can’t go with me.  If I leave, don’t bother coming back.  Then the kids started crying again.  I grabbed the keys and went out the door, he pushed me out. And it was raining and really slippery,  I fell on my back.  I stayed like that for a couple minutes, b/c it shocked me that he pushed me out and that I fell.  The kids screamed cos it looked like dh caused me to fall.  I was ok, except my head hurt.  But dh felt liked shit.  the look on his face said it all.   He felt so bad.   He said, I should shower then we’ll talk.  We had a family discussion with the 3 kids.  I explained how I felt and he said he knew abt how they treat our kids diff than their cousins.  Didn’t I think he felt bad abt that too?  I honestly didn’t.  He tends to side with his family abt everything.  He told the kids that he loves mommy very much and would never let me leave and that he’s very proud of them.  He explained that maybe his aunty show their cousins more affection bc she didn’t see them often and let their naughtiness slide. The 2 of us also talked privately away from the kids abt other matters.  He needs to work on fighting fair.   I’ve known him for 21 years and married for almost 13, but to this day that hasn’t happened yet.  That was our CNY. 

After CNY, I was very busy with the kids helping them prepare for their schl exams bc we would not be around bc of the Sri Lankan trip.  Ah Mah stayed with them and I rearrange the carpooling so she didn’t have to drive much.  She got lost a few times sending Amelia to tuition.  This was the first time we left the kids for so long, 8 days. 

OUr Sri Lanka trip with the MOst Ven. K. Sri Dhammaratana and party was from Feb27- March 6.  We went to the major cities and visited the special sights and temples.  Sri Lanka has just opened up after their 25 years of civil war has ended and the country is still recovering and things are still very backwards.  The country is so beautiful and has so much potential, that didn’t deter us.  We wanted to go. I will have a separate blog abt this trip with pix.

In mid  March, the kids had a schl holiday, so we went to Phuket and Khao Lak.  The kids enjoyed the beach so much.  We all came bck with dark tans.  We had Thai food almost everyday.  We stayed in luxury villas at the Sheraton Laguna and the Le Meridien.   Dh rented a car, so the 2 of us had great massages in hte smaller towns near the hotels.  This was a wonderful trip with the kids. Dh did many activities with them he didn’t do bf.   We needed  a time away to just relax and enjoy each other.

Merry Christmas

Wow, I”m soooo way behind on blogging.  Was so busy in Oct and Nov b/f the holidays.  Kids had end of schl year exams and I had to keep them on their toes.  I was also very busy getting ready for our US trip.  We had a great time.  Will talk abt that later.  This Christmas is very low keyed.  Dh and his bro left ofr NE Thailand on Chrismas Eve to do some charity and visit a famous International Buddhist temple.  They won’t be back until Jan 3. Dh’s mom is in Malacca overseeing the ancestral house while Ku mah is in SG.  That kinds screws with my yearly Christmas dinner.  I decided not to do anything.  We went out to have Christmas lunch with dh’s Tai Mah.  I actually miss all the hoopla around Christmas dinner-the planning and the cooking.  Still did my Christmas baking though.

Sick kids

Amelia has the chixpox. Quite mild bc she had the vax hen she was a baby. Aly has drippy nose and Justin some coughing. Everyone is taking vits to stay healthy. If anyone of us are sick, it will be tough to travel. We are going on our annual year end vacay earliy this year. We are travelling to the West coast and the Midwest. We’re all excited to spend Thanksgiving w/family. Not looking forward to the long flights though.

Stress-free weekend

Still have many things to do, but somehow I’m relaxed. Must be the exercising and yoga I’m doing.  I’ve been consistent for the last 2 weeks.  I love the EA Sports Active from Wii.  I think it’s working.  I sweat so much when working out. 

Girls are staying in PJ with grandmama this weekend  b/c Emma is here for the summer holidays from England.  I still had to go down there to take Aly to her piano class and bring all 3 girls back for the day b/c Aly and Amelia has swimming lessons later today.  They will go back to spend the night in PJ.  We will have dinner out with Dh’s bro and grandmama.  That way we can drop them off afterwards.  I’m skipping the Sunday Dhamma class tmrw.  Will hav to spend all morning reviewing with Justin.  He needs to get ready for his exams this coming week.  I’m so happy Dh surprised me with a new iPhone 3G S.  My original old iPhone got bricked and I was really pretty lousy about it.  The kids also enjoy playing games with it and I felt so lost w/out it.

I’ve been so tired…

… Actually, I was very busy preparing Justin for his school exams.  His school is experimenting with the standard 1 kids this year.  They streamed the kids into their version of appropriate classes-higher IQs with their peers and not so bright kids with their peers.  Everyone had to take entrance exams for their placements.  I had anxiety prob during that test.  Anyway, for their experiment, the school had the premiere class not take any exams and the rest of the students took their usual exams as did the previous years before.  For standard 1 this year, there are 9 classes.  Justin got into the D class, which was not bad.  The premiere class is A.   For any Chinese school in MY, the classes are bursting with too many students.  Anyhow, Jsutin’s grade (Std 1) had to delay their 2nd exam so the premiere students(1A) can take their exams the same time.  Remember, the experiment was not to give the premiere class any exams and they were taught diff than the rest of std1.  Most parents of the 1A all protested that their kids were not taking any tests or exams, so the rest had to delay their 2nd exams for the 1A to catch up and get ready .  The exams are all the same for the 9 classes including those in the premiere class.I thought that was really stupid.  Clearly, those in charge of this project didn’t know what they were doing.  They should have made that clear to the parents-explain what they wanted to do and achieve with this experiment.  Got the results already.  Justin got  As in math and Science, Bs and Cs in the rest.  I couldn’t believe his score for Malay language.  He totally skipped the last 2 pages.  I don’t know what happened.  He froze or truly didn’t know how to make sentences with the Malay word that was given for each #.  He goes to extra tuition and I even helped him go over all the worksheets and old homework .  He said he didn’t know how to make the sentences with the words.  I think he froze and forgot the meaning of the words given and got stuck.  For his next exam, I’m going to make sure he knows the meaning in English, so he can sort out his thoughts and form those Malay words into Malay sentences.  Dh asked me to look for another tuition ctr for him.  I agree, he’s not learning anything from his current one.  We are just wasting money every month.  Dh was not angry with Justin for getting Cs.  Justin being good in math and science is what matters to him.  Thank goodness the subjects in Mandarin were ok.  I get all crazy when he comes home with Cs in anything subject.  Who ever heard of getting Cs in 1st grade.  I  was so frustrated, I wanted to scream.  If I with no knowlege of the Malay language have to translate everything into English for him, no point sending him to a friken tutor.    Damn it, I feel so bad for my kids, especially my baby boy having to go to a Chinese school and feeling inferior because of the language. He’s such a bright kid(of course I’m very biased). He will overcome it.  I went through it with the girls and look at them now.  Both are fluent in 3 languages and thriving in a Chinese school.  I have to be patient with the boy.  God help me.   Venting over.

Kids are back in school…

and I’m as busy as ever driving.  Had to change the schedule again b/c 2 kids do not need rides anymore.  L and N are going to the before and afterschool program.  Their new maid was not working out, so she was returned to the maid agency.  Their mom said she was fed up with the maid dramas and not getting anymore.  I might have to do the same next year after mine leaves.  P asked if I could help her out by picking up her son from tution on Tue and Thu.  I had to say no.  I need those days to help Justin with his homework.  It doesn’t make sense for me to go to SBJ just to pick up one kid DH said.  I have enough to do at home and just have to learn to say no.  My kids had a great time in Phuket.  Came back all sunburnt and brown.  Will share pix later.

Long day again

Thank goodness for the 2 week break coming up.  Today, have to send kids to school for the afternoon session.  Katherine’s driver will bring back the am schoolers.  I have to stay in SBJ and take Aly for lunch, then send her to her Mandarin tuition.  After that, come back home for Amelia and send her for her Mandarin tuition at another place.  This is an extra class that is given for Amelia’s b/c of the 2 wk holiday.  Aly will have to be picked up and she wants to go shopping.  My girl is getting into fashion and hates everything girly.  Except she likes pink, but doesn’t like to wear dresses.  I miss those days were I would put dresses on the girls and they looked so adorable.  NOw, they’ll only wear dresses on CNY or special occassions like weddings and special dinners.  Dh said he’s arriving in the evening, so prob won’t be home yet when he arrives.  Siti will let him in.  Will have dinner in the crockpot.  This will be easier for me.   We are having beef stew and biscuits.  Will prob be back after 6pm and I’m not going to start cooking so late.